Virtual Tribes & the Loneliness Epidemic
"We should treat with great care any new technology that threatens to disrupt the ways in which we connect and communicate with others." - Cal Newport, PhD
Today we're facing a nearly invisible epidemic: loneliness.
61% of people say they're lonely.[1] Even more shocking, a third of millennials say they have no close friends.[2]
Without quality social relationships, mental fitness suffers. In fact, insufficient social connection is more highly linked to premature death than obesity and may be equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes per day, according to one study.[3]
It's counter-intuitive that a society more connected by technology should feel so isolated. But technology can both unite and isolate.
As soon as people make money, they seem to purchase loneliness. – David Brooks
Think about how eating has changed from a group activity, huddled around a fireplace, to one where you can grab a burrito bowl to go. As the world becomes more automated, your interactions become more scarce and transactional.
You can talk over the Internet, but it often lacks the psychological sustenance of an in-person conversation. Subtle communication, like facial expressions, tone, and even smell, is lost online.
And have you observed how some people disengage from a conversation to answer a text? A string of letters sent to a distant buddy becomes more important than the one sitting four feet away.
We may appear more connected on the surface, but the type and quality of connection matter.
No New Friends
While your ancestors spent all day together hanging out in tight-knit tribes, in the modern world it’s common to roll solo.
Psychologically, you’re operating in a vastly different landscape than your ancestors. But humans still need each other for a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Walk down any high school hallway and you see the results of millions of years of tribal evolution: the love of gossip, once a valuable tool for figuring out who was trustworthy, and the formation of social clicks, hierarchical groups that stick together. Even loaners require human contact.
And so people seek approval from online strangers whom they’ll never meet because their opinions used to matter dearly. It’s why YouTube commenters spend hours arguing with virtual avatars and Instagram celebrities carefully curate their appearances for more "likes."
These behaviors are most obvious on social media, where innate social programming is laid bare on a mass scale for all to witness.
It's like an ant farm experiment: let's see what happens when you increase the size of the colony by a factor of 30 million (that's 3 billion people on Facebook expanded from a typical hunter-gatherer tribe of about 100).
According to anthropologist Robin Dunbar, human tribes are capped at around 150 members. Any group larger begins to break down since you can't maintain a network of over 150 functional relationships. At first glance, Dunbar's Number (as this upper limit on tribe size is known) doesn't seem to apply to online networks.
But while deep relationships form through a sense of duty that goes beyond selfish motives, social media is often shallow. Situations in which you "have each others' back" are scarce in the virtual world. Reciprocity, the basis of healthy relationships, is simplified on many online social networks to a "like" for a "like" (or maybe a friendly comment).
But how much effort does that take on both sides? How much trust does that build?
There's little depth created by these interactions; there’s no self-sacrifice or greater uniting purpose. And so online-only relationships usually miss the key ingredients of a lasting bond.
Deeper Connection
These virtual tribes can be valuable tools, but they shouldn’t be seen as substitutes for in-person interactions. Getting together with real people, despite the hassles and challenges it can pose, nourishes the mind.
In addition to spending quality time with others, there’s another way to deepen our bonds.
Paradoxically, by spending time alone looking inward during meditation, we can feel more connected to others. We can begin to dissolve egotism and recognize our shared humanity. We can realize where the world needs our help, now more than ever.
Rather than fight each other, maybe we can see the larger picture and unite against the common enemies of disease, global warming, hunger, and so much else. With a whole community bound together by a tribal purpose, those larger challenges don't seem so impossible.
P.S. — If you’re serious about starting or deepening your meditation practice, check out the FitMind meditation app.
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Sources:
[2] https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2019/8/1/20750047/millennials-poll-loneliness
[3] Holt-Lunstad, Julianne, et al. "Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review." Perspectives on Psychological Science 10.2 (2015): 227-237.